As long as I live I will never understand how someone could do such a thing.

In the not-too-distant past, I called Boston my home for three years.  I lived there in my early twenties while I attended law school.

What happened today – in the city I once mocked for being too safe, too quiet and too boring – is something I cannot begin to understand.

Boston is a city famous for a bar where everybody knows your name.  But in reality – if you have ever lived there, you know – even as you walk through this historic city, you see familiar faces wherever you go.

I suppose for those reasons, it is a city that seemed to me almost immune to the tragedies that affect other large cities.

I want to run Boston one day.

I spent last year running 9 New York Road Runners races and volunteering at one more so that I could qualify to run the 2013 NYC Marathon.

But that is only the beginning.  I imagine that it will be the first of a handful or so of marathons that I will finish before achieving a coveted “BQ”.

How do I tell my husband, my family, that I want to run a race that may be more dangerous than the 26.2 miles of its course?

Am I afraid to run New York?  Absolutely.

The truth is, that since 9/11 I’ve been terrified of being anyplace where many people would congregate.

I have never been in Times Square on New Year’s.

I’m afraid to watch the Macy’s fireworks on the 4th of July.

I avoid parades.

But I want to run marathons.  And I want to run my first in the city that I now call home.  And one day, I want to run Boston too.

New York Road Runners’ statement on Boston says that “the safety and security of all New York Road Runners’ races is and will always be our top priority.”

But I have run almost a dozen NYRR races, and while I never felt unsafe, I never felt protected either.

How can NYRR prevent something like this from happening at the NYC Marathon or other events?  Can they?

I love to run.

I love to challenge myself.

I love to be part of the community of runners.

I cannot allow fear to prevent me from pursuing goals that I value.

When a tragedy – such as the events that took place today in Boston – strikes, I cannot look away from the footage.  I cannot stop inhaling, devouring the news.

Even if I separate myself for a moment, to get myself through the tasks of the day, it remains the undercurrent of my every conscious thought.

I could go on and on.  But tonight, I’ll stop right here.

Just before the finish line.

Tonight’s post is dedicated to the memory of those who died in today’s tragedy, in hope for those who were injured, and in honor of those who ran to their aid.

Run On™