I have written about my recent struggles with sleep.
So it should come as no surprise that the adventure continues. This week I am particularly stressed about it because the NYC Half is on Sunday and I would like to go in to this race feeling well rested; a challenging feat as I will no doubt have to be out of bed around 5 AM on Sunday.
Couple the pressure to sleep with the crazy (albeit somewhat expected) news that greeted me when I returned to the office on Monday morning, after a week away: my company is in substantial arrears on rent.
I have been prepared (emotionally, not financially) for the dissolution of my firm for some time. In fact, this very same week last year, I was pretty sure that we were going to fold. Somehow we didn’t, but work has been slow, our benefits keep getting cut further and further and I haven’t had a raise in more than four years. So I know what I’m dealing with…sort of.
Nevertheless, I work for a person who maintains no sense of transparency about the state of our company, despite having fewer than five employees all of whom have worked for him for more than five years. If this place is about to blow, we are not likely to find out until the lights are turned off.
So coming in to find out that the end may be, well, imminent was pretty freaking scary.
Needless to say, this information sent my digestive system into a tailspin and I returned home so worked up, and also so exhausted that after an early dinner with my running buddy, I crept into bed at 9 PM.
I was still staring at the ceiling at 1 AM.
Then again at 3, 5, 6 and 7 when my alarm went off.
I tried to pull myself together and get ready for the day, but it just wasn’t happening. I had almost no energy at all.
The problem with anxiety is that it leads to restlessness, and then restlessness begets more anxiety.
Another thing that makes me anxious? Shirking responsibility, putting off for tomorrow what might be done today.
So I may have made myself MORE anxious by taking a sick day (which was necessary).
The first half of the day I was overcome with exhaustion, anxious about my work situation, about being inadequately rested and about taking the day off.
I alternated back and forth from my bed to my desk, and took a snack with almost each change in location. By 2 PM the cycle had to stop.
I talked to El Profesor and he all but insisted that I make my way to a yoga class. I checked the schedule at my gym but the next class wasn’t until 8 PM, and at this rate I had hoped to be back under the covers by then.
I remembered the incredible Yin Yoga class that I took last week and set about to find a Yin Yoga video on YouTube. I succeeded and within a few minutes I had unrolled my mat on my studio floor and began an hour-long internet-guided practice.
Other than the fact that there was no instructor in the room to make adjustments, and that I didn’t have all of the props at hand (a pillow and towel did the trick for most but I could have used a block), this was an excellent class and I felt thoroughly unwound when it was done.
After yoga, I took a long, hot shower and spoke to El Profesor for a few minutes. I thanked him for his awesome recommendation, and praised him for knowing just what would make me feel better.
Around 5 o’clock I decided to treat myself for a pedicure. I was way overdue and had developed a blister during my run the night before, so I wanted to be sure to properly attend to my feet in advance of this weekend’s race.
I allowed myself to fully indulge during my pedicure, turning on the massage features of the pedicure “throne”, reading trashy magazines (hey Cosmo!) and picking out a color that reminded me that I am a pretty cool person (Essie’s “A List”).
To my surprise, El Profesor called at 8:40 to tell me that he was turning in early. So at 9, I unplugged and turned out the lights.
It took a while to fall asleep, but not nearly as long as the night before.
When my alarm went off at 7 AM, I felt that I could use a few extra minutes, but gradually pulled myself out of bed and dressed for the morning’s speed session. 3.65 miles later and followed by a mini strength and stretch session, I walked home and prepared to face the brisk and sunny day ahead.
On Tuesday, A was for anxious.
On Sunday morning, A is for A Game.